Bridal Marketing (2)

“I am not cheap”

We know you are not, but how come you have not gotten a husband? What has cheapness got to do with this? Just read on. If you are not cheap, it means you are expensive. And no man wants to marry such a woman. You will finish his money in no time. Read the credo of the single Nigerian woman: “I am not cheap, so I pretend and I play hard to get.”

This can work for dating not for marriage. If you roll over your tactics from the former to the latter, you may not get a husband. Men don’t do that. Once they transit from dating to marriage, they change tactics. When a man dates, he focuses on the woman’s container. As marriage beckons, he shifts attention to her content. He begins to ask questions. “Can this woman cook? Is she prudent? Will she accommodate my family members?” For the man, it is question time. He never asked them during dating because he just wanted a good time.

After half time, the woman is eager for marriage. Realities have set in. The man’s commitment is challenged because he knows that marriage is; for better, for worse. He knows for better, the woman will stay and submit to him. For worse, she may quit. He ponders over this. If he is not convinced about marrying her, he quits the relationship. “But you said you loved me,” she tearfully pleads. “Things have changed,” he replies. Things have really changed because the affair has moved from pretense to reality.

“I am not cheap. If I fall for him easily, he will take me for granted and treat me shabbily. That is why I play hard to get.” Who is asking you to fall? The man knows the game and plays along, plotting his entry and exit strategies. This is something some women do not know. The day a man starts a relationship, he is already working out how he will escape when the heat comes.
Making it visible that she is not cheap, pretense and playing hard to get are triplet behavioural traits of some home bred Nigerian women. Date any one, you will find two in her. Not being cheap is the mindset of such women even when no man is dating them. This thinking tells them not to “fall” easily for any man who is “toasting” (the Nigerian branding for a man wooing a woman) them.

The belief
Nigerian women believe that if they make it difficult for men to win their love, the men well value and respect them. Another dimension of not being cheap is making it difficult for the man to take her to bed. There is some sense in this. But in many cases, women do not manage this romance strategy well. They either over- do it or send the wrong signal to men that they are expensive. And this can delay marriage.
A man can pester you for long if you play hard to get. But it is not a guarantee he will propose marriage. In doing this, many women wrongly create the impression that, “I am not easy to maintain, I am expensive,” whereas what they actually want to tell the man is: “Do not take me for granted. I have Godly virtues. You have to value me.” And so there’s a communication gap.

In this market, the man’s bride impression rules him and it affects his choice of a wife. If you show you are expensive, trouble knocks because men will perceive you as a problem and not a solution. The question agitating the man’s mind is, “Can I maintain this woman?” This creates a dilemma in romantic relationships. And resolving it requires a common understanding of, “I am not cheap” so that you can send the right messages across.

But this is not an easy task because; men and women are on opposite ends of the romance table. A woman’s understanding of not being cheap is emotional. For the man, it is financial. It means spending his money. But not being cheap in the real sense is the measure of a woman’s self-confidence and self worth rather than the consumption of a man’s money. There is still no consensus on this as both sexes hold strongly to their positions. If there is, dating and getting married would be a lot easier, tidier and less stressful.

Defense
Playing hard to get is a defensive mechanism which can increase your emotional problems. When you go defensive with a man, you are at a disadvantaged position and sharp shooters will exploit it. If a man approaches you and you like him, please get along with him with all your dignity and chastity intact.
Why pretend you are not interested when you really are? The man begins to misbehave, leave him. Stop saying, “I am not cheap.” Men have a different understanding of it. Begin to declare who you are. “I am a motivator. I can reduce the blood pressure of a man. I am a bundle of benefits.” You must know whom you are to make any headway in this market.

Being cheap has nothing to do with the ease or difficulty of a man winning your heart. It has more to do with your “cash and carry” approach to relationships. In today’s marriage market, you don’t play hard for the man to get you; you play well to get him. As you do this, name your price and promote yourself.